http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/-t1.htm Post jokes, funny Stories, Humorous Experiences, Whatever Rocks Your Boat. Tue, 15 Dec 2009 04:57:04 GMT 10 http://i69.servimg.com/u/f69/13/89/35/96/ast_te10.jpg http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/-t1.htm http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/ast-brother-s-quotes-t301.htm AST-Brother 1) A whole army, though they can neither write nor read, are not afraid of a platform, which they know is but earth or stone; nor of a cannon, which, without a hand to give fire to it, is but cold iron; therefore a whole army is afraid of one man. James Harrington -Brother Admiral Founder of Australian Swat Team General Brother Admiral Australian SWAT Team HeadQuarters Australia Great ambition is the passion ... Jokes Tue, 15 Dec 2009 04:57:04 GMT http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/ast-brother-s-quotes-t301.htm#686 http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/ast-brother-s-quotes-t301.htm http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/warning-t193.htm AST-Brother A word of warning for those of you who may be regular WAL MART customers. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get a few bits and pieces has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you! Here's how the scam works: Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping your windscreen with ... Jokes Sun, 25 Oct 2009 23:28:22 GMT http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/warning-t193.htm#365 http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/warning-t193.htm http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/murder-at-woolworths-t195.htm AST-Brother Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed. A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie then explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000. The husband said he was willing ... Jokes Sun, 25 Oct 2009 23:33:47 GMT http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/murder-at-woolworths-t195.htm#367 http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/murder-at-woolworths-t195.htm http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/voice-recognition-t194.htm AST-Brother If the Enterprise had voice recognition All Star Trek fans know the voice-activated computer on the USS Enterprise, especially Jean-Luc Picard's famous "Earl Grey, hot" request for tea. But what if the Enterprise was equipped with voice-recognition software based on current technology? PICARD: Computer. COMPUTER: [chirp] Welcome to the USS Enterprise Voice Recognition System. If you know the extension of the person you'd like to call, please say it now. For environmental changes, ... Jokes Sun, 25 Oct 2009 23:30:39 GMT http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/voice-recognition-t194.htm#366 http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/voice-recognition-t194.htm http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/gardening-t192.htm AST-Brother An elderly Italian lived alone in New Jersey. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament: Dear Vincent, I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles ... Jokes Sun, 25 Oct 2009 23:23:58 GMT http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/gardening-t192.htm#364 http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/gardening-t192.htm http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/one-farmer-three-daughters-t160.htm AST-ShortMonkey A farmer had three daughters that were each going on a date one night. At 6:00, a young man rocks up at his door. The farmer answers the door. The young man says, "Hi, I'm Freddy. I'm here to pick up Betty. We're going to eat spaghetti." The farmer called Betty and the two went off on their date. At 7:00, another young man rocks up. He says, "Hi, I'm Lo. I'm here to pick of Cloe. We're going to the show." The farmer called Cloe and they went off on their date. At ... Jokes Wed, 14 Oct 2009 12:17:23 GMT http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/one-farmer-three-daughters-t160.htm#280 http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/one-farmer-three-daughters-t160.htm http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/fear-is-a-very-interesting-subject-t95.htm AST-Brother Fear is a Very Interesting Subject.... A little fear keeps you safe Too much fear drives you crazy, Just The right amount of Fear Makes you very HORNY... Jokes Wed, 16 Sep 2009 22:16:15 GMT http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/fear-is-a-very-interesting-subject-t95.htm#151 http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/fear-is-a-very-interesting-subject-t95.htm http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/what-women-would-do-if-they-had-a-penis-for-a-day-t89.htm AST-Brother 10. Get ahead faster in corporate America. 9. Get a blow job. 8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat. 7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal. 6. Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl consistently. 5. Find out what it's like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm. 4. Touch yourself in public without thought as to how improper it may seem. 3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks. 2. ... Jokes Wed, 05 Aug 2009 12:09:32 GMT http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/what-women-would-do-if-they-had-a-penis-for-a-day-t89.htm#136 http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/what-women-would-do-if-they-had-a-penis-for-a-day-t89.htm http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/what-men-would-do-if-they-had-a-vagina-for-a-day-t88.htm AST-Brother 10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers. 9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half. 8. See if they could finally do the splits. 7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet. 6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch. 5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes ... BEFORE closing time. 4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first. 3. Go to the gynecologist ... Jokes Wed, 05 Aug 2009 12:08:14 GMT http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/what-men-would-do-if-they-had-a-vagina-for-a-day-t88.htm#135 http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/what-men-would-do-if-they-had-a-vagina-for-a-day-t88.htm http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/billing-from-the-lawyer-t87.htm AST-Brother A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?" "I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill." The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give ... Jokes Wed, 05 Aug 2009 12:05:22 GMT http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/billing-from-the-lawyer-t87.htm#134 http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/billing-from-the-lawyer-t87.htm http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/a-blonde-goes-on-who-wants-to-be-a-millionaire-t86.htm AST-Brother Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left -- phone a friend. The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right ... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 -- are you ready?" Barbara: "Sure, I'll have a go!" Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it........ A-Robin B-Sparrow C-Cuckoo D-Thrush Remember ... Jokes Wed, 05 Aug 2009 12:03:23 GMT http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/a-blonde-goes-on-who-wants-to-be-a-millionaire-t86.htm#133 http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/a-blonde-goes-on-who-wants-to-be-a-millionaire-t86.htm http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/girls-night-out-t85.htm AST-Brother Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, ... Jokes Wed, 05 Aug 2009 12:00:03 GMT http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/girls-night-out-t85.htm#132 http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/girls-night-out-t85.htm http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/pizza-store-cancellation-prank-t73.htm AST-Brother Jokes Fri, 26 Jun 2009 06:06:00 GMT http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/pizza-store-cancellation-prank-t73.htm#119 http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/pizza-store-cancellation-prank-t73.htm http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/weird-al-yankovic-t66.htm AST-Brother Weird Al Yankovic - FatUploaded by GuyanaMike Jokes Wed, 17 Jun 2009 08:06:31 GMT http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/weird-al-yankovic-t66.htm#98 http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/weird-al-yankovic-t66.htm http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/found-it-on-ebay-t65.htm AST-Brother ]]> Jokes Wed, 17 Jun 2009 07:53:46 GMT http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/found-it-on-ebay-t65.htm#97 http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/found-it-on-ebay-t65.htm http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/funny-parodys-t63.htm AST-Brother Sharkiras New Album http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=simzpMJ5dUY Some Parody's http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zX5ZIOCKB58&feature=related http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAJctmZaLgY&feature=related http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8QH93jWZbk&feature=related http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jttOuBjGhnM&feature=related http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4B4twPLffM&feature=related http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DoP3C76ioTU&feature=related Jokes Tue, 16 Jun 2009 05:50:40 GMT http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/funny-parodys-t63.htm#95 http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/funny-parodys-t63.htm http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/2-frogs-crossing-the-street-t43.htm Anonymous and the other said: WHAT....(poop).

]]> Jokes Sat, 06 Jun 2009 10:05:36 GMT http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/2-frogs-crossing-the-street-t43.htm#56 http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/2-frogs-crossing-the-street-t43.htm http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/mike-is-dead-t41.htm AST-Brother Two guys meet up in a bar. The first one asks, "Did your hear the news - Mike is dead??!!!" "Whoa, what the hell happened to him?" "Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and boom - He hit the curb, the car flipped over and he crashed through the sunroof - Went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window." "What a horrible way to die!" "No ... Jokes Tue, 02 Jun 2009 23:23:19 GMT http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/mike-is-dead-t41.htm#54 http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/mike-is-dead-t41.htm http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/priceless-wedding-invitation-t40.htm AST-Brother Be sure to read the invite before looking at the picture. General Brother Admiral Australian SWAT Team Bravo Base, Australia Jokes Tue, 02 Jun 2009 23:13:51 GMT http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/priceless-wedding-invitation-t40.htm#53 http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/priceless-wedding-invitation-t40.htm http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/my-thumb-hurts-t39.htm AST-Brother A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome Teed Off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony. The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She then explained that she was a physical therapist: "Please ... Jokes Tue, 02 Jun 2009 23:08:15 GMT http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/my-thumb-hurts-t39.htm#52 http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/my-thumb-hurts-t39.htm http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/more-funny-jokes-t38.htm AST-Brother One night a guy takes his girlfriend home, after kissing each other goodnight at the front door, the guy starts feeling a little horny, with an air of confidence he leans with his hand against the wall and smiling he says "honey will you give me a blowjob?" Horrified she replies "Are u mad?, my parents will see us!" "Come on, who's gonna see us at this hour?" he says "No please can u imagine if we get caught" "Oh come on there's nobody around ... Jokes Tue, 02 Jun 2009 23:05:47 GMT http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/more-funny-jokes-t38.htm#51 http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/more-funny-jokes-t38.htm http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/funny-thoughts-to-ponder-t37.htm AST-Brother Can a stupid person be a smart-ass? Does killing time damage eternity? Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn-shop? Do pilots take crash-courses? Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"? Have you ever imagined a world without hypothetical situations How can there be self-help ... Jokes Tue, 02 Jun 2009 23:01:56 GMT http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/funny-thoughts-to-ponder-t37.htm#50 http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/funny-thoughts-to-ponder-t37.htm http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/dont-get-offended-t36.htm AST-Brother Did you hear about the look-a-like competition in China ? Everybody won. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- What's the ideal weight for a mother-in-law? About 2.3 pounds including the urn. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Was so depressed last night that I rang the Samaritans. Got through to a call centre in Pakistan .. Told them I was suicidal, they got all excited and asked ... Jokes Tue, 02 Jun 2009 23:00:14 GMT http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/dont-get-offended-t36.htm#49 http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/dont-get-offended-t36.htm http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/is-windows-a-virus-t5.htm AST-Brother No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do: 1.They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that. 2.Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that. 3.Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too. 4.Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. - Sigh.. Windows does that, too. 5.Viruses will occasionally make the user ... Jokes Wed, 20 May 2009 06:36:26 GMT http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/is-windows-a-virus-t5.htm#8 http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/is-windows-a-virus-t5.htm http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/the-bride-tells-her-husband-t4.htm AST-Brother The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the prisoner in the prison. And then they made love for the first time. Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction. Nudging him, his bride giggles, ... Jokes Wed, 20 May 2009 06:33:21 GMT http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/the-bride-tells-her-husband-t4.htm#7 http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/the-bride-tells-her-husband-t4.htm http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/fbi-agent-for-hire-t3.htm AST-Brother 3 men where at the FBI Building for a job interview. The first man walked into the office . The interviewing FBI agent said "To be in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room. I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun." The man took the gun, hesitated, and said "Sorry, I can't do it." The next interviewee came into the office. The Agent said "To be in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and give ... Jokes Wed, 20 May 2009 06:30:28 GMT http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/fbi-agent-for-hire-t3.htm#6 http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/fbi-agent-for-hire-t3.htm http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/going-too-fast-t2.htm AST-Brother This Policeman pulled a car over and told the man driving that he was going 50 mph in a 40 mph zone. "I was only going 40!" the driver protested. "Not according to my radar," the officer replied. "Yes, I was!" the man shouted back. "No you weren't!" the policeman said, starting to get annoyed. With that, the man's wife leaned toward the window and said, "Officer, I should warn you not to argue with my husband when he's been ... Jokes Wed, 20 May 2009 06:28:38 GMT http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/going-too-fast-t2.htm#5 http://www.hq-ast.com/jokes-f14/going-too-fast-t2.htm